Life has been a whirlwind and I have been at a loss of what to say to be honest. I have been debating on whether or not to share what has been going on or not, but I feel so compelled to tell our story, good or bad. I thought our financial story was pretty much done, that we had shared all that we were supposed to. Ha! Well, God had other plans (doesn’t He always?). Let me explain.
During our debt free journey I was basically working towards one thing (other than financial freedom). I couldn’t wait to finally buy new clothes. Looking back, I can finally realize it and it is embarrassing to write it out for the world to read. Brett and I decided that when we paid off our debt we each would allow ourselves to go on a little shopping spree. When that first paycheck being debt-free came along I had already throughtfully planned what I was going to spend my money on. I could not wait! That same day I got a call from Brett saying he would not have a job in a 6 weeks. What? Scary. Very scary. Talk about having the wind knocked out of you.
Moving from Atlanta to Colorado the day after we were married took a lot of faith in itself. We were excited, our dreams were coming true. Brett was finally in his element at his job and I was proud of him. To have the floor taken out from underneath you the moment we became debt free felt like a kick in the face from God at the time. I thought, “there goes my dream of a new wardrobe, down payment for a house, the American dream.” Poor me. We had worked so hard to get out of debt. We deserved it. I deserved it.
Once I got over myself, we had a lot of time to process the job loss. It wasn’t hard actually. We both were in good spirits about it and looked at it as a new opportunity. We could go anywhere in the country we wanted! East or West. It was exciting to not know where we would end up. Then some time passed, and we got scared. We stopped being patient, stopped trusting God, and started to try to take matters in our own hands. Actually, I am mostly guilty of that.
During this looonnng process I have learned so much about life, God, and myself. There was a point that I was really mad and not so fun to be around. I was mad at God that things were moving so slowly and we didn’t have any answers. I decided enough was enough. I was not getting anywhere by being mad so something had to change! After intentionally thinking about what I had learned I realized that God doesn’t give us a blueprint for life. Yea, I knew that in my head before but I didn’t really understand it. He leads us one step at a time for a purpose and that purpose (I think) is so that we are totally trusting in Him. I have learned that I try to control things by thinking about them and planning in my head of what I would do for each scenario to help protect myself from being caught off guard. My planning is a way of trying to control things instead of totally trusting God. It is not easy to change but I spend less time thinking about things, and when I get tempted to plan and think, I pray.
Secondly, I have learned that life is so much more than the American dream. Yes, I still want a house and some new clothes, but it really doesn’t buy happiness. Instead of being bummed about what I don’t have, I can choose to appreciate what I do have; an awesome husband, the ability to pay for our apartment, and a steady career as a nurse. Now I get to spend so much more time with Brett and it is awesome. Instead of going out to eat we can spend more time enjoying the Colorado outdoors!
We don’t know where we are going, and that’s ok. I finally realize that wherever we end up it is exactly where God wants us to be because we truly let Him lead us there by surrendering. If we tried to control everything, who knows where we could have ended up and it wouldn’t have been God’s best for us because we got us there, not Him. It is a lot easier to not be afraid and anxious when you know that everything will work out when you’re in God’s will. I know it’s cheesy but “let go and let God.”
Have a great day friends!